it isn’t easy coming to grips with the fact that the world still turns for everyone else when you aren’t around. sitting in my room i lived in through high school that is now decorated with justin bieber posters, teal blankets, and the life of my little sister, knowing that someone else is growing up day by day where you used to call home. i left my family and went to college one day over three years ago and i don’t think i ever grasped what that really meant. i left, and my family’s world spins day after day without me. their dependance on me is gone and i spent my entire childhood being an integral part of my familial unit. certain things fell apart in the wake and i hold a heavy heart over that. preparing for the next six months of my life to lead up to another monumental change is not what i expected. i was so desperately ready to leave high school for college, and now college is winding down and the real world is approaching like a giant slap to the face. the world i live in now will not be mine anymore, everything will look different. everything will continue without me in it. the city i live in will continue to have the same monthly parties and the same thursday specials. my apartment will be rented out by someone else and they will hopefully love it even a quarter as much as i do. maybe one day in five years i will reflect on this change in my life sitting behind another computer, in another house, thinking about how the life i used to lead feels so far from where i am sitting. i was talking to my best friend about how our high school friends are nearly strangers, i think something about that terrifies me. leaving the people who have turned pretty much into my family makes my stomach sink. i am so unbelievably scared of the unknown. the fact that this might be my last virginia winter, the fact that christmas doesn’t feel the same anymore, the fact that we all grow up and the world keeps on going with or without you in it. i guess these are the moments that hit you like a ton of bricks in the chest at 6 o’clock in the morning and you can’t sleep.