(Source: suddenbethround)

it’s midnight after graduation day and i’m sitting on my sofa in my graduation dress and pearl necklace with my bathrobe on and fuzzy socks. silence has set in on the apartment as it tends to do between visits of family and friends. i am so unbelievably humbled today by the amount of love that surrounds my life.

to start i have the greatest family i could ever ask for. they are eccentric, loud, got stuck in the elevator at 11AM, bring me bottles of whiskey, don’t judge me for checking my bangs all day, support me even after failing a few semesters of college, never ever give up on me even when i have long given up on myself, drives down to make sure i’m not dying and never lets me starve, and they have unfalteringly supported me in my dreams. a college degree has been my ultimate goal since age 6 when it became all i talked about. today that dream came true because of a supporting and loving family who let me follow every single one of my dreams to get to where i am today. without them i would never be half the person i am today and would have never gotten here and sitting at lunch with the people in the world who matter most made me feel luckier than i ever have.

secondly my friends, to express how much i love the people in my life could take days. i could go on and on about the people i care about, but to be quick and deliberate. i am so thankful for the people who are in my life today. i have never felt more love and respect for friends than i do at this point in my journey. i can’t express the outpouring of friendship i felt today especially from my girls, how lucky i am to have them in my life i will never be able to articulate. 

i am thankful for the education i have received at virginia commonwealth university and from the city of richmond. i am so grateful for my college experience. the last four years of my life have been the most testing, beneficial, and biggest growing years of my life. i can only hope to take my education and go out and do the most i can. in looking back on myself at 18 when i arrived to college i would have never seen myself where i am today. however, i am proud of where i stand and excited to see what direction my life takes next. all that is in the air is summertime and possibility and i can’t wait to explore everything that the world now has to offer. 

here goes nothing. 

(Source: topographe)

is the last day of my college education. then finals. then graduation. then a lifetime of endless possibilities. where has the time gone? 

when i talk about myself last year now i feel like i’m talking about someone else. it is like i’m telling a story about an old friends life. i was reflecting on some of the pitfalls of the last 365 days with a friend and as i was telling the story i didn’t feel involved anymore. what a relief to feel disconnected from that heavy hearted person that i was. not to say that those feelings don’t creep up on me from time to time, because they do, but they don’t encompass my life anymore and what a blessing that is. i am thankful for resilience. i am thankful for the people who dragged me through the mud i was stuck up in my knees to. i am happier, stronger, and probably the best version of myself i have ever been. so many big things on the horizon. graduation, a possible move, a career search, and more life to keep living. things are good. i am grateful i can say that and genuinely believe it. 

i got another year older on the 16th. i wish i could write out all the lessons that 21 taught me but that could fill a novel. i don’t think i even know the girl i was last year at this time anymore, she got lost somewhere. they say when you stop changing you die. so i guess i’ve got a few years left in me, because it feels like everything changes everyday. it’s a beautiful thing knowing your life is dynamic, but sometimes i eagerly wait for a static moment to relish in the beautiful people and things that surround me. this has been the hardest and most fulfilling year of my life and i came out of it with new and amazing friends, stamps in my passport, more memories than i will ever know what to do with, and a lot of life lessons. i am blessed beyond measure by the people and opportunities in my life and that is something that will never cease to amaze me. by chance i was born and by chance my life has turned out as unbelievable as it has. unbelievable is the only word i can use to describe it because nothing else does the absurdity of my life any bit of justice. i am so thankful for everyone in my life and everything that this next year may hold. college graduation, a possible move, and so much unknown. the possibilities are endless and i look forward to see the next year unfold. 

i’m not sure what i want, but i don’t think any of this is it. i just so desperately need to go get lost. 

i miss everywhere i’m not. i want to be home when i’m away and i want to be away when i’m home. i wonder if i will ever find a happy medium. i have the soul of a wanderer but a practical brain that won’t let me keep fleeing. how do you choose a home when your heart feels tied to everywhere? i am about ready to throw a dart at a map because there doesn’t seem to be any practical solutions left. 

(Source: mental-suicide)

(Source: fuckiminmy20s)